I lied.

I'm a liar.

On the bright side, I learned I have the talent of deception.

Especially self-deception.

That's pretty cool, right?

Reeeeeeeelief (During Finals Week?!)

I am finally over that young man.

I can't tell you how amazing this feels.

I'm not sure who "you" is, haha.

But it is incredible, You, let me tell you.

I'm over him, and I'm not mad at him!

I didn't know that was possible.

It totes is! I'm completely Switzerland.

Like, if he were to walk in those double glass doors to my left right there,

I'd probably look up, (reluctantly; don't like to leave my writing)

wave, smile, and get back to this.

Really though!

Isn't that wonderful?

I came to the realization that it isn't his fault.

It's not his fault that I was this illogically romantic typical girl who SWOONED.

It's not his fault, or his problem.

And now? It's not mine either!!

:D

The most perfect song EVER for how I am feeling.

(cue the rain)
You got me caught in all this mess
I guess we can blame it on the rain
My pain is knowing I can't have you
(I can't have you)
Tell me does she look at you the way I do?
Try and understand the words you say
and the way you move?
Does she get the same big rush
When you go in for a hug and your cheeks brush?
Tell me am I crazy, am I crazy?
I catch my breath
The one you took the moment you entered the room
My heart it breaks at the thought of her holding you
Does she look at you the way I do?
Try and understand the words you say
and the way you move?
Does she get the same big rush
When you go in for a hug and your cheeks brush?
Tell me am I crazy,
Or is this more than a crush?
Maybe I'm alone in this
But I find peace in solitude knowing if
I had but just one kiss this whole room would be glowing
We'd be glowing
We'd be glowing

Beginnings

frydaye!!

So!

Yesterday was a pretty good day, me and Chels had some pictures taken by Beth Berry.

It was loads of fun. Also, I got the watch I've had my eye on for quite some time.

"Quite some time" being about 20 hours, since I'm impatient.

Look at it. Look at it to the left of this very georgia type text!

I love it. It can do everything. It can hold up to 38 names and numbers, haha! Isn't that the funniest thing you've ever heard!?

I know. Me too. Observation: everyone is getting either engaged, or leaving on their mission. It's starting to stress me out, especially since I can't leave on my mish for another 2 years or something. OH! In case you were wondering, there's 46 days until my birthday, yes. Yes, my watch told me that. ALSO: I see Tanya today! I am so excited. I haven't seen that woman in so long, years-centuries. That's an exaggeration. And now; for your viewing pleasure:

Curses.

I'm literally losing my mind.

For realz, haha.

I was talking to my friend today, and as I said something, my mind thought,

'hey, that sounds familiar!' and I asked her, "..did I just say that?"

Which she confirmed.

I'm really worried.

Also, I missed my final. I sort of just want to die right now.

Like, really.

ALSO--you know those girls you just want to slap?

Yeah. Me too. I know them too.

:/

ACTUAL EPIPHANY

I realize I already posted today, but the name of my blog is "Epiphanies", and I just got one.

I AM NOT HEAVY RIVER SEDIMENT.

I will NOT settle.

I deserve the best. Just because I get stupid butterflies around some stupid people, doesn't mean I have to settle!

YAY FOR NOT SETTLING!

I love myself right now

.

Pantalones?

So I love talking to my dad about boys and cuss because he is very wise, and doesn't have an aneurysm when I confide something in him and try to find out more about my feeeeeeeelings, like my mother.

So last night I was asking him if it was wrong to think about this boy a lot, and I told him that I've tried really hard not to, I even prayed to stop.

And he said it was wrong. Because I shouldn't be investing so much time in someone who won't do the same.

He said, (as I lamely paraphrase)

"Si no tiene los pantalones to ask you to be his girlfriend, he's not worth it."

&

"When you want something with someone, really want something, you go for it. You ask for it, and you go for it."

And I was like, "Hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...you're right."

I know he's right. He's ALWAYS right.

And get this, I secretly have always wanted the guy, THAT guy, THE RIGHT GUY to ask my dad if he can date me before he asked to be my boyfriend, because--that's just adorable.

Oh well though. I want him to know what to do without me telling him.

"I'm going to miss you like a child misses that blanket,

But I've got to move on with my life

It's time to be a big girl now

And big girls don't cry."

Foreshadowing

I think I'm going to fail Math.
I hate Math, I hate it so much, even though it's the subject of the sentence, and should be capitalized,
I WON'T CAPITALIZE IT FOR THE REMAINDER OF MY POST!
Because I have that power.
I seriously just get nauseated when I think of it.
I know people always say, "You use math in everything", but I always say, "that's crap."
(in my head of course)
I hate it. And I feel like my posts on here usually hold some sort of reminiscent quality when I read them later;
SO I hope I DON'T fail math by some miracle of love, and read this 2 months from now when I'm done with the class and reassured.
Ef you, math. Ef you and your needy nature;

always needing people to solve your STUPID, UNREALISTIC problems.

Idiot.

I am calling myself an idiot, because this is obviously not a blog.

It is obviously a journal.

I literally have my journal on the Internet.

Such an idiot.

So I haven't written in this journal of mine in about 6 months.

Obviously, that is an exaggeration.

OH MY GOSH--I AM PICKING TANYA UP FROM THE AIRPORT THIS THURSDAY!!

I AM SO EXITED I HAVEN'T SEEN HER FACE IN LITERALLY OVER A YEAR.

A YEAR

Oh man. Parka's coming. At least he said he would. He better or I'll get lost on the freeway I know it. Ha.

Oh man so much has happened in my life. But guess what, I don't know who actually reads these, (I know no one "follows" but people could read this cuss and I'd never know)

So I can't say stuff like, 'I'm in love with ------" because they could be reading this.

Y'know?

But I will say this; the raccoon's not over the steel lantern under the geosphere for nothin'.

Californ-eye-aye

Where I spend 78% of my time:

Amirite?

Correct me if I'm wrong;

no matter how much sacrifice a person makes, or puts into something..

no matter how many long hours of sweating and bleeding,

no matter how much they give up to give someone else something--

the minute they throw it in said receiver's face--it's worthless.

Right?

Huh.

So I got into BYU..
And now I'm almost regretting applying..
I have to watch so many tutorials and fill out so many forms.
And I've had so many appointments at the university, it's starting to affect my other classes.
I have..I think 3 finals this upcoming week.
Have I even READ Midsummer's Night Dream?
'fraidnot.
WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME?!
Because I procrastinated.