Sunday, October 21, 2012

9 Months

I haven't written on here since I got pregnant; I AM KIDDING. But it has been 9 months, so hypothetically speaking, I could have conceived, carried, labored, and delivered a baby in the time of my absence. 

Wow, what to say. Hmm. I met someone, fell in love, it wasn't reciprocated; ceased all communication, and now he is dating my brother's ex-girlfriend. 
YAY PROVO UTAH'S INFINITELY SMALL YET VAST DATING POOL. 

I got kicked out of school because my grades weren't up to par, my parents got divorced, I moved in with my dad; became best friends with him, was forced to move out after 8 glorious months, my great-grandma who I was unusually close to died; I started going to the temple almost weekly, I began attending institute, I quit my job with my dad & didn't come back after 2 weeks like I usually do, I started working with a lady in my ward; I started hiking and spending time in nature, & I read some life-changing books. 

In retrospect, I had some really high highs, and some really low lows. I think I've cried more in these past few months than I have in a really long time. I considered and seriously almost did, leave a couple times. The idea of starting over somewhere where no one knows me is so attractive sometimes. But, I didn't leave and I am glad. The reality is I've developed a pattern of running away when things don't go the way I'd like them to.

 Now, I don't want to sound hypersensitive or weak, "the way I'd like" doesn't mean what I'm sure whoever is reading this is thinking. I've experienced some terrible things. I've seen and heard things I pray to God no one I love ever has to. My childhood ended when I was about 10, and my self-esteem started about a year ago. I've had every role from mother to peace maker to psychiatrist to therapist thrust upon me. I didn't ask for them, they were forcibly given to me. But as I get older and learn more life principles from some incredible people, I realize this has to stop. I need to grow accustomed to dealing with things and not leaving at the first sign of a storm. 

I'm really happy right now, and I hope I can keep this feeling for a long time. 


Mi May


Upper Falls, Provo Canyon

2 comments:

  1. this was a lovely post. i think you are wonderful

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    Replies
    1. Riley. What the cuss, I think the same about you. Can we be friends someday? Let's go for a drive up the canyon TOMORROW.

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