Ephiphany Number: I Stopped Counting 15 Years Ago.

I just realized something about Provo guys.

A.) They are HAWT. Obvi not all of them, because that would be just...unnatural, but most of them. HOWEVER--

B.) They are seriously so stupid. Like, STUPID as in "not smart". They're educated, some are even intelligent, but they're stupid. They like you, their friends know they like you, their parents know they like you, but HEAVEN FORBID they ask you on a date (remember the days? me neither) so that you can have precious butterfly bonding time. That would be too...logical.

C.) AND WHEN THEY DO DATE, it's freaking ugly girls. Like seriously? I can't even be mad over who you chose over me because they're U-G-L-Y. I don't get it. FMCL.

I enjoy venting :)

I don't think I'll be so feisty when I'm off my menstrual cycle.

Epiphany # ?

I realized something a few weeks ago, but haven't gotten around to posting it until now:

No one will love me until I love myself.

The reason I hate compliments, the reason I can't stand when people stare at me, the reason I never believe when people tell me I'm so (something positive) is because I don't feel that way about myself! If you do not believe in..God, and someone is telling you all these great things about Him, it won't matter, because you don't believe in him. It doesn't apply to you.

THIS IS MY PROBLEM.

I need to learn to love myself. That way, when someone compliments me I can say, "Thanks."

& mean it. As in, "Thank you for noticing this true fact about me, I feel the same way."

Okay. So there's epiphany number _. Next epiphany:

There is nothing left for me here.

This wonderful city of Provo, Utah with all it's indie glory, has nothing to offer me.

Christofer Drew Ingle says it best:

"I plead for relief,

This town won't receive
All the things that I want.
The things that I need."

I can't catch a break, so I'm making my own.

There's no turning back this time, no running home to Daddy.

This time, it's real.