I have depressive tendencies and I can easily be triggered into a low emotional state. This past week, in addition to Mother Nature graciously alerting me that, no, I am not with child, a few triggers left me feeling depleted both emotionally and physically. My relationship with my mother had reached an all time low and I was tired of walking on eggshells in my own house. I'm very sensitive & love my friends a whole lot, so if I don't hear from people I hold dear, I can get very upset and introverted. By Saturday night, I was in a dark place and spent the next 47.30 hours (30 minutes for Sacrament on Sunday) in bed feeling sorry for myself.
Around 8 o'clock, one of my friends whom I hadn't heard from in a while texted me asking if I wanted to go to a show. Now, I know some people would argue that a house show isn't appropriate Sabbath activity, but I had literally been in bed for 47.30 HOURS & I was more than anxious to get out of the house. I agreed, and some time later we found ourselves in a little house in downtown Provo surrounded by bearded, Pabst-drinking, beanie-wearing gentlemen; none of whom we knew. We cautiously chose a place on the carpet to sit & waited for the music to start. The first two groups were a few guys playing a guitar, bass, and at one point the drums. As I sat there listening, I felt like I could see these people the way God saw them. They were doing what they enjoyed; they were given and had honed a talent that was theirs alone, & chose to share it. I felt so much love for these boys, I had to consciously force myself to stop smiling and gazing at them doe-eyed, lest they should think I had ulterior motives. The last band was a group from out of state. As six, seemingly random people walked up to perform, I heard myself mutter, "Is this some sort of Arcade Fire thing?" Guys. I was blown away. The moment they began playing, the room was filled with a sort of magic. It was unlike any performance I had ever attended & I found myself getting chills. The minute they opened their harmonious mouths, the world stopped. I couldn't help but have the occurring thought, "there is beauty all around". I never would have thought I'd find it in the living room of a beer-filled, expletive-laced house. But, I did.
This morning I awoke feeling similarly down, because of course, we humans need to be hit on the head repeatedly to understand a concept. My friend Andrea texted me & after learning I didn't have to go into work today (!), we decided to have an adventure. 100% spontaneity led us to the decision to go to the Bonneville Salt Flats. Have I ever been there? No. Andrea moved here from San Diego like 5 minutes ago. Did we have any idea what we were doing? No. But, we went for it. The drive was approximately 2.5 hours from Provo, which to be honest SOUNDS reasonable, but when you put two girls in the same car with similar patience thresholds, 45 minutes is an eternity. About halfway, we wondered what we were doing. Was this even worth it? There was no sign of our destination; no horizon to look forward to. We felt like we were just wasting gas & time. For some reason (thankfully), we continued. LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING; the scenery on the way to Wendover is stunning. There is water on either sides of the highway & the clouds plus the expansive plains leave you breathless. The more we drove, the more beautiful it became. There were parts that were boring; nothing too exciting, but just moments later, we would be stunned again by the beauty of God's awesome nature. After a lifetime & a half, we finally arrived at a rest stop that was our destination. At first, it seemed like nothing; more white land, we had already seen miles of that. But as we got closer, we realized it was a shore of crystal clear water. The shallow water went on forever, it seemed & the white salt glistened like diamonds. The mountains in the background were a purple-blue, and we were in the most beautiful place in the world. I cannot describe how beautiful it was; the dozens of pictures I took don't do it justice. Everything was perfect. The sun was shining, there was a slight breeze & the entire universe was in perfect harmony. We decided to wade in, and as we took our first steps; it hurt. It felt like nails driving into our feet; the salt grains were enormous & grouped together like coral, but the further we went, the less it hurt and the more beautiful our surroundings became. We met a girl from Greece who was there with her boyfriend from England; they were stopping by on their way to Moab. WHAT, I know. She was so beautiful & so happy, I felt so blessed to have met her. We were the only 4 people in that moment to experience this perfect paradise. As we lavished in the splendor of God's creation; the thought came again, "there is beauty all around". Even as I reflect on today's events; my heart is still overwhelmingly full; running over, with love. The journey to the Salt Flats was a personal metaphor for life; for me. It's long, it's so excruciatingly long. & it's hard; there's moments when it seems pointless. But when you continue, God allows you to see some of what he has in store for you; just to motivate you to keep going, and when you finally reach your destination, you wonder how you could have ever doubted him.
There is beauty all around us, we just have to look for it.
