The Beauty in Helplessness

About a week ago a few of the interns started feeling sick. Our ailments ranged from fever to flu like symptoms, and we weren't really sure where or how we caught our illnesses. As the days passed, every one slowly began to recuperate; everyone but me. We couldn't figure out what was wrong, so I tried every kind of diet, thinking maybe it was something I ate. There were days where I only ate saltines and tea. There were days when I only had water. There were days when I ate normally. Each time, I got sick. As we contemplated the cause, my roommates and I realized that my unsettled job situation could be the cause. I was diagnosed with anxiety a couple weeks before leaving the states, and though the doctor said my results were extremely high, she didn't feel the need to prescribe anti-anxiety pills. 

I started to feel afraid as I noticed I wasn't getting any better. One day I was talking to Marissa and she mentioned she had been mulling over what could be the problem. Marissa and I have been friends for almost a year, and she knows most everything about me. She knows I battle with a self-deprecating dialogue, I stress to the point of shaking, and she was the first person I told about my diagnosis. She suggested that my sickness was a result of my anxiety. Literally, my own mind with its imperfections, was making me physically sick. 

I didn't know what to do. How do you cure your body when it's assailant is your mind? Luckily, I have been extraordinarily blessed with a fantastic group of people out here and everyone came together to help me. Marissa suggested I stick to an overtly healthy diet and begin exercising regularly. Kaiti assisted me in writing a note to my supervisor in the ministry alerting him that I wouldn't be able to make it to work, & Daniel and Noe were over this morning to give me a priesthood blessing. 

I had initially been hesitant to ask for a blessing, fearing that I would come across as weak. I told this to my mom and she reminded me that such "negativity is not of God". When I spoke to my father, he also suggested I ask for a blessing, even though he didn't know my mom had suggested it just hours before. 

After the blessing, I felt peace. My body wasn't instantly healed, but as the day went on I began to feel my strength slowly be regained. 

As I ponder these past few days, I realize there's so much beauty in being helpless. Is there anything more wonderful that exhausting all earthly powers to be healed? Knowing the only cure is your faith in Jesus Christ? What is more glorious than kneeling down in prayer and admitting to The Lord that you understand He's the only one who can help you? 

I'm grateful the medicine didn't work. I'm glad fasting didn't do the trick. I'm so thankful the Lord humbled me to the place where it's lonely and quiet enough to understand He's the only person that can ease my burdens.